Eating Pumpkin Seeds in the Nelson Public Library.

Isn't it funny that pumpkin seeds are green? You'd think they'd be orange and slightly eery looking.

To business.

Well, I made it to the Rainbow Gathering--spent 7 days living out of a tent, bathing in a waterfall (and washing my hair in a bucket), pooing in what was termed a 'shitpit'--dude, it was totally a moat, not a pit, twas a big dug trench in the ground--, singing and om-ing and spending almost all of my time around a campfire talking to fellow travelers, (learning how to make one big trip around the world, talking to a woman who spend three months in Pakistan by herself!) and trying to avoid some of the hippie purists. There are extremists everywhere.

Things I've learned:

1. Never ever ever am I taking acid. The guy camping next to me had this violent, scary as shit trip and that was enough for me. Not that it had ever been on my quote unquote bucket list, but now it's damn sure never making it on.

2. Trust my instincts. Even if I hate them.

3. Conversely, there is such a thing as being *too* careful.

4. ...I'm not a hippie. I have hippie tendencies, (I like hippie chic, I like the social justice aspect) but I am not a full blown one. I like to bathe at least somewhat regularly, I prefer shaven legs, I like soap, I appreciate nature but I don't worship it, I don't really believe in crystals, (though I have a moonstone that is a 'traveler's stone' and stands for new beginnings that I'm partial too) or any form of paganism, I have no real desire to meditate no matter how good it probably would be for me, and I don't care if sunscreen or bugspray is evil, I'm using them.

5. Conversely, I learned a lot about all the things I think I need, that I really don't. But I have a hard time walking past an 'op shop' (second hand store) and not leaving with a new sweater or skirt. I no longer horde books, however. But I am reading like a maniac.

6. My ipod is not one of those things I can live without. I need that. At Rainbow, I missed that.

7. Being a lesbian woman like myself, with my characterists and preferences towards independence, selected isolation, and opting out of the party scene, will very likely be a bit lonely this lifetime.

8. David Mitchell is an incredible writer. See more below.

9. I miss acting. And I am THRILLED about this. This means I am healing from my last four years, and remembering that I love the art form and craft of performing separate from a certain destructive social dynamic.

10. Pushing myself to do something will probably make me miserable.

11. I am impatient.

12. I turn into a HUGE baby when I'm hungry, cold, or tired. Worse when it's all three. Thus, the wilderness living was rough.

13. Annie Hall and Being John Malkovich are excellent films.

14. I have some serious librarian tendencies. Also, I want to work as a book editor sometime. I also am an excellent book reviewer, and I know it. Knowing I'm good at something is key. It isn't pretentious to let a potential employer or partner know this. Turns out the 'go confidence' camp of folks was right.

15. I'm getting my nose pierced. And I *really* want a tazer for when I travel around the world by myself, which I'm going to do in 2011.

Alright, enough of that list. The point is this, I went to the Rainbow Gathering--traveling all the way with my friend Molly--and met along the way some of the most incredibly kind individuals I have ever ever met. My faith in people and human kindness has been completely renovated. The gathering itself was really quite an experience, and I am really really glad I went. I enjoyed it, but I was also really very ready and happy to leave. Being back in society is both a blessing and a curse. Things cost money here, but I really enjoy the nature/city balance. So where am I now, you ask? I am in Nelson City, bumming around for a few days till after New Years, and then I am searching rapidly and rabidly for seasonal work (aka fruit picking) in the surrounding areas, or going to Blenheim for vineyard work, or hitting up a connection I may have in Dunedin, or going up to Takaka to apply for a job at this really kickass cafe called the Wholemeal Cafe (Takaka is AWESOME) and then hopefully working at a festival called Luminate so I can get in for free. Basically, trying to make money so that after my mom's visit in Feb, I can take to the roads, traveling again all over the South Island, by myself or with some merry company if the opportunity presents itself. I am currently CRAVING a big traveler's van that I can put a bed and stuff in the back of. I want one SO bad. Anyway. Ideally, Mary, April, May I will get a steadier job, and then make my way to Australia for a month or so, then back to NZ (or maybe to Fiji?) and then home. Which reminds me--I definitely have to move my plane ticket to september (they couldn't book that far advance) and I have to find a way to do my taxes from New Zealand. Headache, yes, but I can do it. I can do anything.

My New Year's resolution is to learn to stop apologizing for myself. I've already made some progress. I've been wanting to do this for years and years, but something finally clicked. It's damn well time.

I am traveling with a German named Fabian, a guy from Australia named Cole, and a guy from Southern England named Sam. Fabian has a car, which is pretty helpful. We're a good group. This entry is REALLY scattered.

I've recently gotten into reading work by a British author named David Mitchell. I read his book Black Swan Green and it was quite possibly one of the best books I have read in the last 10 years. Actually, not quite possibly--positively. I'm now reading his book Ghostwritten and I'm already excited. He's most famous for Cloud Atlas. If you're a reader you must must MUST read these books. I've also got a Kafka book that I'm moving onto after that. Books, yum.

Which brings me to my next issue--there's a movement out that I discovered (I can't remember the website, but it's out there somewhere) called READ THIS BOOK: Reading Around The System, or RATS. The slogan is Be the RAT, which means to be someone who is part of the movement. This is all you have to do:

when you finish reading a book, open up the front cover. Write:

"read
this
book

and leave in public place." (i'm pretty sure you have to write it in that format, but i suppose it doesn't really matter?)

then you write underneath it: Your Name, the RAT.

And then guess what you do? (This is so crazy but cool, I'm so excited about it.) You ditch the book. ANYWHERE. The idea is to promote literacy by reading around the system--the system being the monetary exchange of money for books, and it also declutters personal libraries. Liberate your personal books, and someone else will pick them up, read them, and then pass them on. It's sort of like that movie Pay it Forward. Anyway, my friend Molly's friend Katie found out about it, and so I'm doing my best to pass it on completely.

Anyway, I think that's about it for me.... Christmas was good, but uneventful. Not festive enough for me, really. Well, the sun is coming out, and my computer time is running out....

if you read this crazy broken entry, congrats. I didn't mean to jump from subject to subject...

Happy New Year all you crazies--I love you each.

Be a rat,
Sarah